The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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