Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
