too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
