Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
