someone threw a dead crab at me
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The best revenge is premature balding
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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