woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You took a bar mat shot.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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