hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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