legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
