I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
