So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
