i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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