my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
