I think i peed on brittanys purse
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
