I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
