TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize