everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
