You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
