to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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