Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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