with your own penis?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
