He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
