I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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