I will die if light touches me.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
