It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
