dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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