the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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