I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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