so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
