i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
