We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
