We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
