he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
