How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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