This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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