all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
