You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
