Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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