Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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