Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize