Already got asked if we're dating
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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