nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
