i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
