Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
