Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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