Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
youre lurking in front of me
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
