I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The best revenge is premature balding
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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