i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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