i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i dont even know how to be here
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My penis needs a shock collar
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
