if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
