may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
