Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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