if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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