Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
