Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
