Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my phone needs a breathalizer
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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