Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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