9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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