I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
