Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
