I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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