I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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