you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
