listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
