Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
