Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize