Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
